modernmelly.me

I’m Not Talking To You, I’m Talking To Me

modernmelly.me

We all do it. Don’t deny it… we all talk to ourselves. Sometimes, we’re the only one who listens, am I right?! (hardy-har-har, I know). It’s totally normal, healthy even, to have internal dialogues as we navigate through our day. Of course, the key word there was: internal. If you’re blabbing away out loud to just you, yourself, and-well-you… not such a good idea. You look crazy, buddy.

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Anyhow. I find that I have a lot of time “in my own head” so to speak, and therefore, have LOTS of time to think. You see, I don’t engage in much adult conversation during the day, as my job entails working with two small children. Truthfully? It’s just the way I like it, it suits my semi-antisocial personality. (Perhaps that’s another disorder I have. Read this.) So, on any given day , or hour for that matter, I have these random conversations with, you guessed it: me.

At times, they’re deep, soul searching “What’s my life purpose” kind of conversations, but other times, they’re just so stupid:

Me: That cheesecake looks good.

Me2: Don’t even think about it. All artificial ingredients. Sugar. Just fricking: don’t.

M: So

M2: No

M: One time. Just one time.

M2: No

M: Aw look at that pretty woodpecker on the tree.

M2: Aww, pretty!

M: I need a pedicure

M2: Seriously, so overdue.

M: That cheesecake looks good.

M2: Supposed to be writing right now.

M: Was there something I was supposed to do today?

M2: Dunno. Let’s look up the definition of misanthrope. I think it has relevance.

M: It’s windy out.

And so on. Pure stupidness. Irrelevance. Disconnectedness. Sometimes, okay a lot of times, my inside conversation pops out as an “outside” statement:

Dialogue with my husband:

Him: ” So, where do you feel like going for dinner tonight?”

Me: ” Hmm, sushi is fine by me, if you’re in the mood.”

Internal conversation:

M: I think I’ll try the special roll tonight, something different.

M2: It has grains, no grains remember?

M: Oh, yeah. That article I just read on wheat was good.

M2: Right? That woman lost so much weight! Loved her hair. Wonder if I should go that color.

M: I think so. Good idea.

Back to the “real” conversation:

Him: “Okay, sushi is fine, which place you want to go to?”

Me: “Oh, that reminds me- what do you think about my changing my hair color?”

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After nearly eight years of this, my husband rarely is fazed at these segue fails of mine. I used to explain to him how I mentally made the topic jumps, but it gave him a headache, so now, he just slow blinks at me for a moment, and then continues on.

Now, I am quite certain, that if you’re reading this, you’re totally relating. You are…right?!

One more for you: Have you ever been so engrossed in your inner dialogue that, when someone dares to interrupt you, you get visibly pissed off? Yeah, me, too. Awkward, trying to explain why you just flipped out on someone when their “Hi, how you doin’?” was met with, “Jesus, what the frick, man?” isn’t it?

Like, there’s Conversation A:

“Hey what’s up?”

“What?! What the hell!. God… oh, sorry, sorry. I just, uh, I just was having a bad moment, there.”

Or, if you were to tell the truth, you’d have Conversation B:

“Hey what’s up?”

“What?! What the hell! God, I was right in the fricking middle of a conversation with myself! Where’s your fricking manners? Don’t interrupt me when I’m talking to myself!”

That probably wouldn’t go over well, and even end you up in a straight jacket potentially. Which is silly, because everyone knows that everyone talks to them self.  So there.

Time to close this one out, as I am waiting patiently to finish my conversation (with myself, duh). Catch you later when I have something else random and irrelevant. 😉

One thought on “I’m Not Talking To You, I’m Talking To Me

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